Rainbow Warriors

F orget about any moral arguments (as hard as that may be for all of us) and help me answer some very important practical questions. These might seem silly, but I assure you they deserve very serious answers. If the U.S. Armed Forces are to be open and accommodating to all “protected” classes, how do we deal with the following?

#1 Daily Life  Men and women currently don’t live in the same rooms or squad bays nor are they expected to shower together nor be naked in front of one another. So, how do we deal with each of the LGBT? Separate facilities for each letter? What about the aspiring “transgendered” who have made their decision, but haven’t had hormones and/or surgery? Different rules prior to and after “reassignment?” What about the man who says he’s a woman, but who never has surgery? What about a man who has “transgendered” (with or without hormones and surgery) who still prefers women, so considers himself a lesbian? What about the bisexuals? Does each bisexual get a private room because it would be harassment to domicile him or her with a comrade of either sex? And, please, let’s not forget the asexual, pansexual, polysexual, genderqueer, androgyne, bigender, trigender, third gender, two-spirit and on. I swear, I’m not making this stuff up!

#2 Physical Standards  What should be the physical standard for each letter in the LGBT? Yes, I know, you’ll probably respond, everyone should have to meet the same “minimum” standards. But that has NEVER happened with the increasing role of women in the military. Every time roles have been expanded for women, the physical standards have been lowered (or kept low) for them. This inevitably will happen for at least some letters of the LGBT. So, to which standards should each be held? A man who considers himself a “woman,” but has not had surgery would, say, still need to perform 42 push-ups in order to pass that portion of the Army PFT? How about a man who has had surgery to make himself a “woman?” 19 push-ups like real women are currently required to perform to pass? What about a woman who considers herself a “man?” Men’s standards? Women’s standards? Some other standards?

#3. Sexual Harassment  OK, this is going to get even more complicated! While we’re scrambling to miracle our way to the pot of golden tolerance at the end of the rainbow, how are we going to deal with the here and now? That is, where is everyone going to sleep, shower, poop and pee? And how will we define “harassment” in this pantheon of enlightened sexuality? And who is qualified to define what will no doubt be myriad rules and regulations? And what happens “out in the field,” in combat and in other circumstances where the niceties of modern living aren’t available? In a tactical or expeditionary situation, a man-soldier who needs to go number one, will, frankly, just unencumber himself in front of God and country. Will this now be considered sexual harassment? Will it be OK if he turns his back to any of the protected and potentially offended? And for which of the LGBT?

It was so much simpler when libertines didn’t like war.

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